The Oxford
dictionary defines the word Grandfather as “the father of one’s father or
mother. But for me it states so much more than just being a father to my
parent. I’m writing about a person who lived his life diligently being a good
husband, a better father and a best grandfather ever. A Tribute to my Humble Ajja (Kannada dialect for grandfather)
Born in a lower-middle class family
belonging from a very small remote village named Kote in Udupi District,
Karnataka, India to Mr. David Kunder and Mrs. Martha Kunder. He is the third
child amongst five children bore to them, defined as very smart, energetic and
a pro-active child. He always liked learning new interesting stuffs which came
in his way; and then School opened a new doorway for him, always intrigued about
what new he will learn every dawn. But his father was against his children
pursuing education and forced every child of his to stop going to school and
produce a helping hand towards their parent’s chores. My Grandfather was
against this proposal and he would sneak out of his home early in the morning without
the knowledge of his father and attended school, later spent his day helping
his father in farming. Whenever his father caught him in school uniform he
would punish him by tying him to a tree and pouring weaver ants on his head, leaving
ant bites all over his face. In spite of that he continued attending school
till 9th Grade and unfortunately had to stop, lifted up his spirit
by setting himself a goal of visiting Bombay and working there.
Then in
1950. When he turned 20, he was tired from monotonous work of farming and fled
to Bombay hoping life would be better here. With initial struggle of 1-2 months
he finally started working as a Fitter in Ratan Mills, Worli and in the span of
four years of rigorous work and honest attitude he earned the designation of a
Supervisor. Leading a decent life now; decided to settle down soon.
Then on 17th
January 1954, he got married to a native shy, charming girl from Malpe,Karnataka
, India Miss Sylvie Amanna who is fondly called “Sundari”(meant Beautiful) by her near-dear ones and started a fresh new chapter of his life.
In the preceding years they had a family of their own, containing seven
children; 6 sons and a daughter.
And I the fellow writer am the son of that
single daughter.
I, particularly am very fond of my
Ajja “”.Because he was the only one I used to call ajja because my paternal
grandfather had died way early. My perspective of his is, he is the man of Stature.
I still remember a day when I insisted on going with ajja for some grocery
purchase, and the distance between home to the local market is about 1.5km and
on those days people used to walk till the market and back. And I experienced a
huge amount of pride in me when I walked with him. There were several times
when people came to him and greeted him, and I was filled with awe slightly
having the feeling of my ajja being a local celebrity. I always felt that he is
a Benevolent
man. He would greet everyone with such a broad smile on his face, never ever
sensed arrogance in him. And the handshake would explain you everything about
how humble and earthed is this man. As he loved his neighbors he was all the
more affectionate towards animals, he would take care of his pet animals with
so much care and love.
Stories of
him were mostly narrated to me by me mother. She being the only girl child got
the maximum love of his. “My Dad is a combination of sweet and sour, sweet for
me and sour for the boys” says my mother smilingly. My Ajja has pampered his
girl child with so many things, if she demanded anything it would be there the
next day unlike the boys would get nothing.
She feels so blessed to get a father like him.
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My Ajja with his little girl, picture taken in the late 1960s. |
My Ajja, is
one of the handsomest guy I know. Even for his age he would take on most of the
now younger generation kids easily. The chiseled masculine face sporting a thin
pencil mustache rigid physique, steady
locks; which by the way apparently none of his sons possess . You would never
see him in public wearing a crumpled or creased shirt/trouser. He is very
specific when it comes to presenting himself.
I always tried to imitate him but always failed, but I still
keep trying.
He turned 82; my Ajja has almost witnessed
everything now from all his children tying the knots, the birth of his first
grand-child to the latest addition to the family, losing his youngest son in an
unprecedented accident in Saudi Arabia, Five of his grandchildren getting
confirmed in faith, his Golden-Jubilee Wedding Anniversary to three of his kids
crossing 50 year mark. Being completely oblivious of what is to come.
12th Feb 2o13
I would never forget this day; I woke
up to the ring of my landline and then a dejected loud voice of my dad, hearing
that I rushed to the hall. When he completed the conversation he said “Appa(Father), is being diagnosed of blood
cancer”. (From the past few months Ajja
was feeling little uneasy and some congestion in his chest so decided run some
tests and this was the result). Hearing that my mother broke-down and she
came up to me saying “I need my appa, I need my appa. Nothing will happen to
him right?” there were tears rolling down her cheek as she was speaking. And I
stand there; holding back my tears not sure what to reply and I said “yes ma,
nothing will happen”.
That day when I was on my way to
college, not following my usual routine of listening to songs by plugging my
ear-phones to my mobile, and being disturbed by the thought of an individual
who never spent a penny on medication could end up having such a grave disease
like cancer. It remained in me and I was perpetually disturbed from then. My
mother and my elder uncle’s family decided to travel to the native. I wanted to
visit but in the next 20 days I was having my board practical’s, then the night
before the day of their departure I decided to accompany them anyways. Because,
if I would not meet him anytime soon it will be difficult for me to concentrate
for the exams.
The day we reached, I was not
prepared on how my ajja would look and how his condition will be. Very much scared
of how I’ll face him. Gently with the fear in my heart I enter his room and
then to the complete opposite of what I thought, he greeted me with the same
broad smile on his face that he usually has when I pay a visit. I must add it
was even broader this time , and then a thought ran into my head that this man
would make the cancer run for the money with that attitude.
Family discussed of not letting him
know about the disease just in the fear of losing him soon.
Four Months Later. He was getting weaker and weaker,
because of the pain he was going through, he was emotionally disturbed and he
would cry when he’ll speak to anybody. His visual capability started deteriorating
and he could only recognize people by their voice. “Never ever in this past few
months appa would ask, why are you taking me to the hospital? What has happened
to me? why the blood transfusion ? No nothing, if we told him that tomorrow we
have to attend the hospital he would readily say ok without any hesitation, till
the last day of his admission.’ ,Says Thara Aunty (Wife to my 5th
uncle Allwin).
On 26thJuly 2013, Mom and
dad rushed to native, mom was losing it and wanted to meet him, having an
intuition that she’ll be seeing him for the last time. The period of his last admission to the
Intensive Care Unit ward, was very difficult and agonozing for the close family
members because of the excruciating pain he was going through. He almost spoke
nothing during the last days of his mortal life, “Amma, enku baine apundu” (mother, I can’t bear the pain) was his
final few words.
On 31st July 2013 19:36PM,
His soul left his body leaving the pain, agony and distress all behind. When I
was informed, I was quite confused about to feel what. On one side I lost a gem
of a person whom I adored so much, and on the other side I felt he would have
to no longer have to bear that unbearable pain.
On 2nd Aug July 2013, his final journey was
scheduled. Me and my few close family members reached kote. And on the amount
of people who came to pay him their last respect would easily reflect the life
he lived. “I am witnessing it for the
first time where the whole of our family members are present” said Ashmitha (My
First Cousin).
And I started thinking how God plans everything and how
blessed ajja is. Where he was visited by
every child and grandchildren of his during his last few months of life.
I could no longer watch my Ajji(Grandmother) and Mother cry, it was
quite difficult to actually understand how hard is to let go a person who meant
so much to them. I started walking alone round the veranda of the house and
started reminiscing about the times I spent with Ajja, I had an opportunity to
stay one night at the Hospital where he was admitted in the early May for his
routine blood transfusion. That 12 hours
that I spent was really special, he would ask me about my future plans on what
I’ll be doing and how I am taking care of his daughter.
The night stroll that we had been
easily the best walk I had in years.How fortunate I feel to know that I was the few ones to hear his final
words he asked me on the phone “Elroy encha ulla” (How you’re doing, Elroy?)
and I replied but he couldn’t register it, because of his hearing disability.
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| Picture from the stroll we took on 18/5/2013 at CSI Lombatd Memorial Hospital. Udupi |
Final hours before he was to be
buried, one of the pastors wanted to speak few words about my Ajja. And it was
Pastor Goldin Bangera, who in his tenure serving at C.S.I Church, Ambady was
very close to my family. He greeted everyone in the crowd and with a smile he
started “Thomas Anna, when I saw his
picture in the newspaper today. His whole life reflected in front of my eyes.
That smile on his face he would keep that every single time you see him. And
this man was a kind person and during his 10 years of service as a council
member in the church he was with good terms with everyone till he ended. Be it
anything serious or complex issues he always told me “Ayya, samadhana deedh
pokka” (Pastor, we’ll head by keeping peace). And concluded by saying that the
family is so fortunate enough to be related to a legacy which is Thomas Anna. ”
.
And I standing next to him started thinking
there is so much to learn from my Ajja.
Few minutes remaining before the
burial ceremony and I held myself together and gathered the courage to pay the
last respect with so many flashbacks and a strong poignant feeling that this
would be the last time I would see him; went close to his body, bending towards
his ears and whispered a few words in the hope that he would hear it this time
the reply of his question he asked me days before and I said. “Anu edde ulle,
(I’m doing Fine)” kissed his forehead.
Followed the burial.
Before I conclude I want to thank a
blessed soul who stood beside my family as a rock during this dreaded period
and that is, Mrs. Irene Amanna who is related as first cousin to my mother also
designated as Head Nurse at CSI Lombard Memorial Hospital, Udupi was to my
conscience went beyond her capability and helped in every matter concerned to
what measures we should undertake and from the point of admission to the
hospital to the constant reminder of blood transfusion and routine blood
check-up. Thanks Aunty for your selfless sacrifice.
Now, heading back to home, several
thoughts running through my head and suddenly I had an epiphany and felt so
lame about myself for always seeking inspiration in the outside world and this
man who’ve always been so near me lead a life of a legend and it went
un-noticed by me because of his modesty. A human being who never had animosity
towards anybody, Lived a God-Fearing life and so likewise he imparted in his
children too. To myself I was soliloquizing that I should be able to be an
inspiration to at least one soul compared to what my ajja was to so many. I
would be really happy to be able to achieve half of what he achieved as a
person in his lifetime.
Recuperating myself with a hope of
him now being safe in the most secured place one could ever be in peace and that
is in the arms of Jesus. He will always be remembered by me and my family. My
Inspiration, My Beloved Ajja,
Mr. Thomas David Kunder.
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| Is'nt he cool? |
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